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Fan fiction for Dust/Sci-Fi
05-16-2012, 05:21 PM (This post was last modified: 05-20-2012 10:29 AM by KEQ-Commando.)
Post: #1
Fan fiction for Dust/Sci-Fi
Well, I can't find anywhere that KEQ has fiction/creative writing. I do a bit of scifi writing in my spare time and thought I'd "Dust-Up" something I was doing anyway. I'd like critique on this too as I'm trying to improve my writing abilities.

Well here we go...

Dist514 short prologue

The light was fading as day turned to night on Hilgura. Uther Calif gazed out across the plains in front of him. Hilgura had been a prominent agriworld until 17 years ago. That was when "the Church of man" decided Hilgura should find religion. With the agreement of the Hilgura council,  they setup an outpost on Hilgura's largest moon., Karhakof.  The Church brought scientific knowledge, and medical provisions to Hilgura. Unknown to the government, they were mining the core of Karhakof for Ardishm, a semi organic mineral vital to the production of Nutech. 3 years after the Church of man arrived, major climatic and tidal changes caused the crop to fail for the first time in recorded history. An investigation was launched which uncovered the churches deception. By this time however, the Church had taken what they required, and labeled Hilgura a black world. 

Black worlds were uninhabbitable, dangerous or prison planets. All information on black worlds was removed from star charts, except their gravitational mass. They were no fly zones for all Church ships. 
Hilgura would have succumbed, were it not for 2 traders who were now viewed as heroes on Hilgura, and outlaws to the Church. The first was Ra'Sheen Moar, the second Uther Calif. Hilgura was a rich world, and both so called heroes took advantage of this. For 2 years they provided everything Hilgura needed to survive. Moar and Calif managed to supply most of the food and medical supplies previously provided by the Church. Calif however, knew that Hilgura could not keep paying their inflated prices for more than another year or so. 

The council contracted Calif to acquire any terraforming equipment he could. Moar was to continue to provide essential supplies. Climate management equipment was expensive, and bulky and it took Calif another 2 years to deliver and setup all the heat exchange, aqua storage facilities and humidity control labs. By this time 80% of the population was suffering from starvation. Of the remaining 20%, more than half had stayed in the Capitol city, Hilga.

Thinking about the cards fate had dealt him, Calif watched the UV towers start up across the length of the horizon. An eire half light flooded across the plains, illuminating the incubation domes. Calif still loved the view after living in the same spot for the last 10 years. The way that light diffused through the domes in the darkness was spectacular. Each dome seemed to bend and shift the Infra and Ultraviolet rays in a cascade of blues and purples. This was probably the only thing about Hilgura he would miss. The planet had grown stale to his taste, and he knew other opportunities awaited him. At dawn he would make preparations to depart, taking his ship to the stars once again. This time however, with a small fortune.

***in progress***need to link that bit above to the bit below***

Dust514 "short" part2 (it's becoming quite long really)

Calif's suit was still working hard. The sand, plasma burns and bullet damage hadn't slowed him. The HUD on his visor told him all he needed to know. Alpha and Bravo had been wiped. Charlie was down to 3 men. Calif was all that remained of Delta. Those last 3 clones were running directly towards him. Sometimes, discretion is the better part of Valor. His comm system blazed into life.
"Charlie77 to Delta6, get to the roof! Incomming RDV's. ETA 45 parsecs. "
"Delta6 roger wilco" replied Calif, as he moved along the charcoal corridor, and entered a stairwell. He wondered how many of these same geothermal power plants had been built on how many planets? Reaching the top of the stairs, he crouched,  and tilted his rifle to the side, slipping the clip release. He checked the remaining rounds. His HUD already knew he had only 8 shells left.
"one...two..." his thoughts shifted to his fallen comrades.
"three...four..." he wondered if winning this fight would solve the problem this planet had started out with?
"five...six..." would they put him into cryo again? Would he wake up to another Warzone? How many had he already seen?
"seven..." his mic went static as the RDV's jammed their comms. 
"Eight." Slamming the magazine into the gun, he turned to face the direction of their assault, searching the skies for his enemy.

The incomming RDV's were both terrible and beautiful. Their shining white sides looked out of place on such a barren desert world. Below their wings, simister looking cannons hung. They had been dispatched to investigate a loss of power from plant3. It had already slowed the production of the next clone batch. They could see plant3 below, the hexagonal landing pads, and the great dunes to the East.
"Redhawk leader to red squadron, are you getting any response from down there?"
Both replied negative. Nothing for it, but to land and find out what had happened. He knew this was bad. They never sent 3 squads with RDV support to investigate. Investigations were done by engineers. These were going be negotiations. 
"Red squadron we are landing to investigate." 
"Roger tha-Argh " Redhawk2 exploded, a blue glowing trail still pointing to the plant below. Hostile negotiations!
"Get us down there NOW! We're toast if we don't move!"
Shots rebounded off the armour of the RDV's as they descended. A few punched small dents into the hull but the 2 remaining vehicles touched down without incident.
"disembarking shields at 50%" chimed the ship's computer in monotone. The 4 clones from each surviving ship stepped offboard, heavy footfalls leaving their print in the rocky waste. 
Red1 checked his HUD. 3 confirmed enemies. 2 attempting to keep them pinned while the 3rd flanked. A good plan, but doomed to failure. 
His squad would take the flanker, while Red3 would assail the central pair. 

Red3 were having trouble. Equipped for fast recon, they lacked the ability to take damage. The pair facing them had heavy assault suits, HMG's and that heavy laser. Sure they couldn't move fast, or even fit through a small door, but these guys were not about to be shifted. Red3 figured it would be over soon. Their armour was breaking down though with every shot. Red3 lost 1 of his team while taking cover. The blue glowing laser arced through 2HDA crates and punched a hole in his allies chest, large enough for him to fire through. The use of clones as shield was much less discouraged in-comparison to human shields.  

Red1 had their target pinned. 2 of his squad had flanked, 1 left, 1 right. Red1 and his comrade kept the escapee down with a hail of shells. It was time to finish this.

Calif clicked the bolt back, waited for his shell to charge, and fired. The left flankers chest exploded in a cloud of crimson gore. The recon specialist had baited the enemy squad perfectly. Calif fired again, and dropped the other flanker. 2 down shots left. He pulled back the bolt and waited for his chance. The 2 heavies couldn't hold their position much longer. Calif took aim, and dropped 2 more of the attackers. 

Red1 knew it was over. Checking his HUD, he lay in the path of Red3 back to the RDV's. It was time to fall back. 
" Red3, Cut and run, stay low, I'll cover". Red1 opened fire in the direction of the 2 heavies. They both hunkered down, avoiding the worst damage. 
"Red3 you have to move now!"
The remaining 2 members of Red3 broke cover at full pace for their RDV's. The sound of sniper fire filled the air, and 1 of the operatives dropped. The other reached the RDV's and spun to provide cover. The crack of sniper fire sounded again, and his head was taken off by the high energy round. Red1 was alone.

The recon operative checked his surroundings. The bait had been perfect. He'd not make such an amateur mistake. He stood and took aim. The enemy officer in front never saw it comming. Still trying to pin down the 2 heavies, he couldn't see the bullet comming. It hit square, between his shoulder blades, and pulped the top half of his spine. The recon operative walked over to Red1, and removed his knife. He rolled him onto his back. His blade struck between the armour plates, piercing his heart. Red1's vision faded and he felt cold.  He knew he'd be warm next time he awakened, and would be back here soon enough. 

If you can't kill, you can't Kill Em Quick. Get Good!
*Tony-Montangmere* PS3
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05-16-2012, 06:31 PM
Post: #2
RE: Fan fiction for Dust/Sci-Fi
Nice!
I liked it.

Heres some critique tho. The change of perspective from Calif to the RDV team was confusing. Also, were they using dropsuits? Because it seems they died fast. I would make it more of a point that one side is immortal clones. The other mere mortals. Or both are! It delends on what you want.

Also, the advantage seemed to go way too easily to the outnumbered side (Calif).

I am not bashing on it, I actually thought it was quite good. Please continue posting your writing! Big Grin

Also, nice Star Wars reference. Tongue
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05-16-2012, 06:57 PM
Post: #3
RE: Fan fiction for Dust/Sci-Fi
It was very good, I liked it alot!

[Image: perry.png]
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05-16-2012, 07:36 PM
Post: #4
RE: Fan fiction for Dust/Sci-Fi
That's what I'm after! I generally write hardfi so 1 bullet = dead. They are supposed to be in some kind of suit/drop suit. I should probably make a bigger deal of the heavy suits.
Of course the advantage went to the guys with tactics, who knew their enemies plan of attack.

I'll try and post some more for this as people like it. (prequel, sequel)

If you can't kill, you can't Kill Em Quick. Get Good!
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05-16-2012, 07:44 PM
Post: #5
RE: Fan fiction for Dust/Sci-Fi
Great stuff!
Please post more.
One thing that was missing for me was atmosphere as in a description of the surroundings. Unless that was up to us to use our imagination of the surroundings.
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05-16-2012, 08:42 PM
Post: #6
RE: Fan fiction for Dust/Sci-Fi
I felt that was really weak, but try as I might I couldn't think of a good way of doing that without a paragraph to itself simply describing it.

Hindsight is 20/20 I shoulda put in a "view" from the RDV!

If you can't kill, you can't Kill Em Quick. Get Good!
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05-16-2012, 11:28 PM
Post: #7
RE: Fan fiction for Dust/Sci-Fi
(05-16-2012 08:42 PM)KEQ-Commando Wrote:  I felt that was really weak, but try as I might I couldn't think of a good way of doing that without a paragraph to itself simply describing it.

Hindsight is 20/20 I shoulda put in a "view" from the RDV!

Don't get me wrong, imagination is the great thing about reading however a little nudge in the right direction never hurts.Big Grin
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05-17-2012, 01:13 PM
Post: #8
RE: Fan fiction for Dust/Sci-Fi
As soon as I get a USB drawing tablet for my PC, would it be okay if I start drawing some art for your fictions? It doesn't have to be official, just something to mess around with.

I was actually drawing your story on paper with a pencil yesterday. When I finish it I will take a pic and post it here!

So far, I have the power plant mine thing done.
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05-17-2012, 02:40 PM
Post: #9
RE: Fan fiction for Dust/Sci-Fi
How do you suppose I could stop you ^^ It'd be great to have some casual sketch style illustrations. Can I just ask that anything you do as a serious piece is black & white? I just prefer it. Tbh I'm honoured you like it so much!

If you can't kill, you can't Kill Em Quick. Get Good!
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05-17-2012, 03:13 PM
Post: #10
RE: Fan fiction for Dust/Sci-Fi
(05-17-2012 02:40 PM)KEQ-Commando Wrote:  How do you suppose I could stop you ^^ It'd be great to have some casual sketch style illustrations. Can I just ask that anything you do as a serious piece is black & white? I just prefer it. Tbh I'm honoured you like it so much!

Its a good thing pen and pencil is generally black and white! Tongue

And your welcome! Your story just gave me an image and I started drawing it out.
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